The Secrets of Intimacy



The major challenge with how men and women relate is in the realization that intimacy and sex are not the same thing. Sex is the physical expression of the desire, lust and love we feel for another. It lasts, on average, seven minutes. The question is what we are doing the rest of the time to truly connect on a deeper level. Intimacy, on the other hand, is the foundation of relationship, including affection, bonding, care, nurturing, passion, respect and sex, among others.

The breakdown lies in how we express intimacy. Men are more physical; operating on facts, individual accomplishments and the desire to compete. Women, operating on emotions, are community accomplishment-motivated and need to bond. For a women, intimacy is an emotional connection. They feel intimacy when they feel closeness with their partner.

Men express intimacy as time alone with their lover; ability to communicate and understand both physical needs; holding hands/hugging/kissing/foreplay; and deep physical connection. Women express intimacy as daily sharing of conversation and affection; a sensitivity to emotional pain and ability to show emotions; understanding each other’s dreams and goals; and deep emotional/heart/soul connection.

Love is not challenging. It’s the relating that requires understanding and collaboration, and when we learn to navigate within the ABCs of Intimacy, we can weave a loving, lasting and passionate relationship with those we love.

Doctor of Human Sexuality Kat Smith is an Intimalogist (intimacy expert), author and speaker in Dallas. For more information, visit DrKatSmith.com.

 

Edit ModuleShow Tags

More from Natural Awakenings

RealTime Laboratories

Vincent Bolton, M.D., was always intellectually curious and willing to look beyond simple explanations.

From Earth Day to EARTHx – Trammell Crow Raises the Bar

Despite a lifelong passion for environmental protection, philanthropist and EARTHx founder Trammell S. Crow had considered himself an armchair environmentalist.

Texas Wind Energy Production Overtaking Coal as Plants Close

As a result of challenging plant and market economics, Luminant is set to shutter two coal-fired power plants in Central Texas: Sandow, in Milam County, and Big Brown, in Freestone County, taking approximately 2,300 megawatts (MW) offline in early 2018.

Arboretum Fall Festival Features Wizard of Oz Theme

Thousands of pumpkins, gourds and squash have been assembled at the Dallas Arboretum and Botanical Garden for the 12th annual Autumn at the Arboretum.

Onward: The Survivorship Journey

Survivorship describes the process of living with, through, and beyond cancer. In 1985, cancer survivor Fitzhugh Mullan, M.D., published an article about his own cancer experience “Seasons of Survival: Reflections of a Physician with Cancer,” in The New England Journal of Medicine.