The Secrets of Intimacy



The major challenge with how men and women relate is in the realization that intimacy and sex are not the same thing. Sex is the physical expression of the desire, lust and love we feel for another. It lasts, on average, seven minutes. The question is what we are doing the rest of the time to truly connect on a deeper level. Intimacy, on the other hand, is the foundation of relationship, including affection, bonding, care, nurturing, passion, respect and sex, among others.

The breakdown lies in how we express intimacy. Men are more physical; operating on facts, individual accomplishments and the desire to compete. Women, operating on emotions, are community accomplishment-motivated and need to bond. For a women, intimacy is an emotional connection. They feel intimacy when they feel closeness with their partner.

Men express intimacy as time alone with their lover; ability to communicate and understand both physical needs; holding hands/hugging/kissing/foreplay; and deep physical connection. Women express intimacy as daily sharing of conversation and affection; a sensitivity to emotional pain and ability to show emotions; understanding each other’s dreams and goals; and deep emotional/heart/soul connection.

Love is not challenging. It’s the relating that requires understanding and collaboration, and when we learn to navigate within the ABCs of Intimacy, we can weave a loving, lasting and passionate relationship with those we love.

Doctor of Human Sexuality Kat Smith is an Intimalogist (intimacy expert), author and speaker in Dallas. For more information, visit DrKatSmith.com.

 

Edit ModuleShow Tags

More from Natural Awakenings

Flu Busters

The flu is hitting us hard this year, resulting on 60 deaths so far. It may be a weak vaccine, low public awareness or just bad luck. Every year we face the same possibilities, just as with extreme weather events such as floods and hurricanes.

The Law of Love Attraction

Many have heard and practiced the Law of Attraction due to the widely accepted material from the film The Secret. However, when Mr. or Miss right hasn’t materialized, we may feel there’s part of this secret they’ve kept to themselves.

Increasing Personal Resilience

Take an outlook inventory: Spend some time contemplating and journaling the areas of life we would like to strengthen. Don’t become discouraged or distracted by all the details. Simply see this moment as an opportunity to prioritize what is truly important to us.

Dallas Considering Multifamily Recycling Ordinance

Although Dallas residents are upping their game when it comes to recycling, there’s still a ways to go. On January 22, the city of Dallas’ Quality of Life, Arts & Culture Committee released an update on the city’s Zero Waste Plan, which was passed in February 2013 to increase sustainability and reduce waste, with phases and milestones at specific intervals.

Dr. Daniel Strader’s Approach to Natural Dentistry

Dr. Daniel Strader is a biological dentist and owner of Dallas Designer Smiles. His father and grandfather were also dentists. “I was convinced early on by my dad that being a dentist would be the best profession in the world,” Strader recalls.