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Natural Awakenings Dallas -Fort Worth Metroplex Edition


Tips to Keeping a Relationship Sexy

Jan 31, 2013 12:14AM ● By Dr. Jayne Gardner

We have all been there—at the beginning of a romantic relationship—where we are no longer within the bounds of Earthly limits. This attraction is one of the strongest energies there is. We are drawn to certain people like a moth to the light—and just as unconsciously as a moth, too.

We think we know why—because that person is our soulmate or we believe it was “meant to be.” We stay up all night talking on the phone, we no longer need food and we also know we never want to return to Earth again without this feeling. How do we keep this magic alive? We need instructions on how to stay in this state of intense, sexy delight with the one we love.

The answer is to stay being you, an individual. That very uniqueness is why the other person was attracted to you in the first place. Know that anger is a part of who we all are and use it to guide you. Your specialness is what your partner is drawn to. Treasure this relationship enough to bring your whole self to it. It will keep the flame blazing.

Express feelings to keep the relationship alive. Tell your lover when you are mad like this: “I am mad because [fill in the blank].” Don’t repress feelings that may make you say things you don’t mean. When the feelings are emptied out, love returns. This is easy to do if you really let it out. Let things explode every now and then—in this burst of energy, the sexiness will emerge again as strong as it was in the beginning.

Give up trying to please—it can ruin any chances you have to be sexy. Shout out from the rooftops what you want. Don’t cower in the fear of rejection or conflict. Love yourself above all; no one will ever give you what you want unless you give it to yourself first.

Never think you have to sacrifice you. It is not sexy. Good sex is the result of good passion. Be passionate about life itself. Defend your lover against all. What we all really want is someone to be there for us. The sexist feeling on Earth is to know someone loves you more than anyone else in the world.

 Ultimately, the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. Let February be the month you fall in love with the one that matters most—you.


Dr. Jayne Gardner is founder and CEO of The Gardner Institute, a life coach training school. Learn more at


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